How Estranged Are They?
|Playing the game Risk with my siblings around Christmas time|
I’m not sure I know the meaning of the word. The justice system doesn’t either, do they? I haven’t much faith. Their punishments are too severe in some cases, and not enough in others, particularly white offender rape. However, if I ever need again to utilize the law when dealing with the injustices of my family, then I will.
My mother used me. My sweat-stained cash was insufficient. I couldn't buy her love. She pocketed thousands, calling me the prostitute who washed Jesus’ feet with expensive oils and I suppose she was Jesus. She’s said worse. I can't speak to her. Some days I think she's cruel, and other days mentally ill, and others I can't decide. One week I was evil and the next, cherished. I can't diagnose but BPD (borderline personality disorder) has these traits.
My brother who drugged me, how could I forgive him? I see him as a child, beaten as the rest of us, his blood painting the walls. My heart aches for that child. I know he won’t say sorry but if in his eventual old age, when he faces his guilt at the end of his life, maybe I can give it then.
That's the closest I get. Forgiveness is an ongoing struggle. Closure? Well, I strive....
Thanks for reading.